This is Bullshit (26/?)
Title: This is Bullshit (26/?)
Authors: howido_fics & youbrat
Pairing: Ryden
Rating: R
Summary: Bren's first night in LA
Disclaimer: *sigh*
Author’s Note: This is a co-write. howido_fics is Brendon, youbrat is Ryan. Ryan's pov is blue and Bren's is black.

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Dinner with the 'guys' was quite entertaining. It was like they held additions for Real World and picked the most outrageous guys to be interns. Well, not Ryan so much, but that they picked someone from each line of the spectrum to melt and work together. They were all really nice and flirtatious and fun. It was like a whole bunch of Alex's cloned or something.

I smiled at Ryan most of the time. I had never really seen him interact with people outside my friends, and I liked this side of him. Here I thought from the first time I talked and met him, that he would be quiet and shy and self contained, but he was shelling out jokes and stories just like the rest of us.

And I know think I fell for him even harder just sitting there.

We held hands under the table the whole meal, sneaking glances and small kisses when we got the chance or there was a break in the conversation. This was what I missed the most. Just being near him and holding his hand and hearing his voice...and his laugh...Damn that laugh.

Most of the guys we went out with had pretty much figured Alex and I had something going on, but something like a very open relationship. They were rather shocked to meet my boyfriend and realize that Alex and I were just friends, but they accepted Brendon into the group of us as if he was one of us. I tried to not snuggle too much and be too affectionate with him during dinner, but there were times I seriously just couldn't help it. Alex, as always, sat on the other side of me and Paul, James and Jacob ranged on the other side, along with a couple of the guys who didn't live on our floor, Rick, Damien, and Damien's girlfriend Sarah. Jacob even brought along his roommate, Kevin, who I'd only met once. We made a very happy group.

Because we were all with the label, we all left the Thai restaurant and headed for the club which was just up the street. I was quite content from dinner; I'd always loved Thai food. We walked down in a group, me holding Brendon's hand, Damien and Sarah holding hands, Paul and James looking like they should have been holding hands, and Alex pretty much hitting on Jacob while Kevin and Rick laughed because we all knew that Jacob was straight, and they all knew Alex very much wasn't.

We arrived at the club and showed our passes, Alex had even managed to secure a guest pass for Brendon, so we all filed into the door to the side of the club. We hung around for a few minutes, talking to everyone when someone from the label showed up to talk to all of us and dole out the duties for the night. Some of the interns were just there for the show, in the end, Alex and I were manning the door and guest list while also doing a little street teaming and handing out some of the stickers for promotional purposes. Once the guest list had been gone through we were allowed to go in and watch the show. Paul and James were assigned street teaming after the show when everyone was filing out. Jacob and Kevin were assigned at the last minute to help out the merch and the bands if it was requested of them, leaving Rick, Damien and Sarah to simply enjoy the show, and that left Brendon with them.

Once all assignments and everything were all set, I turned to Brendon and smiled softly. "Sorry Bren, I gotta go to work...you can hang out with Rick, Damien and Sarah until we're done with the guest list. We'll come join you then. Okay?" I leaned in and kissed him softly before pulling back and sighing softly, I didn't want to leave him, but I had to work.

The walk to the venue was entertaining. But it wasn't until we got to the doors that I saw who was performing. CUTE IS WHAT WE AIM FOR! I could have died right there. I was in love with Shaant this band. And Spencer was going to be so jealous!

Once we got inside, I stood back while Ryan was getting his instructions. I got a bottle of water and waited until he was through before he made his way over to me, "That's cool. I figured that much," I smiled pecking his lips, "But, you'll have to find me, cause there is no way I am missing any of the action with those boys on stage..." I laughed, "So I'll see you in a few!"

Taking my water, I made my way to the stage. There were techs and such setting up and slowly the room filled. First with exec looking people who lined the walls and bar stools, then it looked as though they let some fans in. There were about thirty people in the 'pit' area, if you could even call it that. It was exciting to be in such a small venue, with a small amount of people. I knew I had to brag to Spence. So I pulled out my phone and called him before the show started.

"Ok," I replied once he answered, "You will never believe where I am," ....... "Yes, in LA, you dumbass, but where in LA," ........ "No," .......... "No," .......... "No," .......... "No," .......... "Ew, no, gross...do you give up?" ......... "Ok, I am at a Cute Is What show. And there are only like fifty people here cause it is a private show," .......... "No, I am not shitting you," .......... "Ok, I will, what song?" .......... "You got it," I replied as the lights dimmed, "Ok, I gotta go, they are coming out. See ya." I hung up the phone before a band came out announcing themselves as Young Love. Looking back at the doors where Ryan and Alex still stood, I hoped that they would be finished before Cute come out.

Alex and I took off to the door just moments before they were ready to open it. Everyone who was being allowed into the club that night had to be on the list. That meant that I had half the list, Alex had the other half, they were alphabetical so it would be easier to find names, thank God! We took either side of the door and it allowed us to get through the people faster. Alex finished his list first, mine still had five names that hadn't shown up. I frowned as Young Love started their set and glanced in to see if I could find Brendon in the crowd. I wished one of the guys who weren’t working had offered to take the job for me since Brendon was here, but I knew I had to work all the same.

Alex came over and handed me his list and took mine. "Go on. You have Bren here, you should be in there with him. I'll take the rest of this list, okay?" He gave me a quick kiss and the slapped my ass to go inside. Grinning at him, I thanked him quickly before making my way into the club and handing over the completed list to the person from the label and was given leave to go enjoy the show.

I made my way down into the 'pit' and grinned as I walked up behind Brendon, slipping my arms around him. "Hey..."

I verbally groaned as his arms slid around my waist. They felt amazing. And definitely hit the spot.

The band was in the middle of one of their last songs, which was a softer song, so I turned my head, kissing him on the cheek before talking into his ear, "Bout time you got here..." I pulled back and smirked, placing my arms overtop his and pulling him tighter to my body and allowing my head to fall back and rest on his shoulder tilting to place my nose in his neck as he sang the words to Young Love. I closed my eyes and felt the vibrations of his throat and the bass through my toes. It was then that I felt at home. See, that's what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. A. Be in his arms forever and B. Create music that fans feel the exact same way that I do.

Once the band walked off stage, the crowd settled down, the lights came back on, and the crew started setting up for Cute, I turned around in his arms, "I didn't know you were a fan of Young Love," I sighed, "Hell there is a lot of things I don't know about you..." placing a kiss on the lips, I grinned, "Like how hot and important you look when you are manning the doors," sliding my hands down to his bum, "And how absolutely sexy you look in just a simple pair of jeans..." running my nose over his, I leaned in more and took his bottom lip into my mouth, chewing on it slightly as my hands moved up and down his sides, "And how a simple line of black on your eyes makes them biggest most beautiful things I have seen."

I chuckled softly and pressed a kiss to Brendon's lips. "You have a lot of time to learn about me, just like I have a lot of time to learn about you. There's no rush either way." I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair before sighing lightly and smiling. "But yeah, Young Love are a lot of fun, I've really gotten to love their music. Alex gave me some burns of theirs that he'd found, and I caught them a couple times, and they're just so much fun. The guys are really nice too, I've gotten to hang out with them a couple times since we got here. So I'm definitely getting into their stuff a lot more and I can't wait for their album."

I grinned down at Brendon and pressed another kiss in against his lips. "Stop flattering me Bren, you're gonna embarrass me in front of all these people." I chuckled and snuggled my face down into his neck a little before murmuring. "I think you should move to LA for the summer. You can find a job somewhere around here and just live here so that you're with me and we can have a great time here together. I think that’s what you should do. Although Spence and the guys would disagree."

I pouted a little and then suddenly felt someone up against my back. I pulled back a little and looked over my shoulder to see Alex. He winked at me and then smiled at Brendon before he went off to see who he could hit on so that we'd be left alone. I turned my attention back to Bren and touched his cheek softly. "I still can't believe you're here."

Smiling at Ryan, "I know. I know, see that is one thing I have learned about you," I kissed him, "You are always right!" Resting my hands on his waist, I giggled as I looked into his eyes, "And, that you are even sexier when you are embarrassed," Kissing the tip of his nose, I nodded to Alex as he acknowledged us and walked away.

Turning back to Ryan, I sighed, "I know, I wish I could to Ryan, could you imagine how fucking amazing that would be?" running my hands along his skin where his shirt met his pants, "It would rock. And, yeah, I can't believe I am here either. And you have no clue how long I anticipated this, let alone had to try to keep it a secret from you," I smirked, "I just wanted you to be surprised to see me, and then allow me to organize a trip for once, I know, it was kinda of selfish, but I think I worked out for the best," I winked as the lights dimmed, "Oh! My boys!"

Planting a huge, wet, sloppy kiss on Ryan, I wiggled around in his arms so I could face the front again. I licked my lips to taste him and ran my tongue along them for extra measure. Damn he tasted good. Spicy from the Thai, sweet from the Coke, and just plain adorable, well, from him...

I laughed quietly when he got excited about the band coming out and shook my head a little as I pressed in against him. Even if I couldn't have him face to face, at least I could feel him against me while we watched the set. That was far better than him not being there that was for sure. I slipped my fingers up under the hem of his shirt to rest my hands against the skin of his stomach, just wanting to feel him against me. I loved feeling the warmth of his skin seeping through my fingers and hand, it made me feel warm and comfortable.

I dipped my head down and kissed his neck softly as I slowly trailed my lips up to his ear. I gently tugged on his earlobe before nuzzling the side of my face against his. It felt so amazingly good to be able to be affectionate with him in public without worrying about what people would say, or his fear of people seeing him and realizing he was gay. It was amazing to have the ability to just be us, I was in love with the feeling and wanted to be able to be that way with him all the time.

I looked up at the stage as the band came out and tried to lose myself in their music the same way I had with Young Love, but this time I was much more distracted by the boy standing in front of and against me. His hair smelled so good, he smelled so good, I wanted to be curled up with him with little clothes on and just be able to touch him and feel him touch me. I wanted his skin on mine. He was right there, and yet I couldn't have it, at least not yet. My hand slipped a little further up under his shirt.

Allowing myself to melt into his hands as best as I could while still paying attention to the show, I ran mine back to his bum, and allowed them to rest there. That was until I clapped and cheered, but they went right back into place once I was finished. I stretched back a little to feel him more against me as the show went on. Cute was really good. And my assumptions were right, Shaant is hotter in person. That's for damn sure!

"Oh my," I glanced to look at Ryan, "Babe, this is my song, listen to the words..." I smiled, kissing his cheek before picking up the chorus, You have a moan all of your moan, and I can feel it down to the bone... I made sure to sway my hips, lift my hands up to the song, and sing it as loud as I could, all while I was rubbing my ass along his crotch in the most seductive way I could master, of course.

Once the song was over, the band talked a little to the crowd so I moved around in Ryan's arms to face him again, reciting the chorus to him, "Ry, I can't wait to make you moan tonight..." I winked as I thrust my crotch to meet his before squealing, "OH! I LOVE THIS SONG!" and turning back around.

Pouting I booed when they announced one more song. What? People did that to us at our shows...

I groaned against Brendon when he moved against me, when he said he was going to make me moan, and when he thrust against me. He was driving me crazy in the positive sense of the word of course. It made me just a tiny bit nervous about what was going to come later on in the night, I mean, if he was getting me so wound up with semi-innocent movements and all so early in the night, were we going to be okay being alone in a room together later? I didn't want to have been driven so wild by want and desire for him that I screwed up and went too far with him in private.

Slipping my hands out from under his shirt, I ran them down over his thighs. It was so tempting to start seriously groping him in the middle of the concert, but I knew that I couldn't. I dipped my head down and kissed his neck again softly. "Mmm...Bren..." The band was good, yeah, but my boyfriend was better and deserved more of my attention, at least so I thought. It was a good thing no one from the label was there monitoring what we were doing during the show.

I sighed softly when the band finally ended, clapping for them because I really did enjoy them, but I immediately pulled Brendon against me again, wrapping my arms around him before glancing around. I wondered where the rest of the guys were. Since we'd all come together, we'd all leave together, so I had to be sure to find them. I found Alex almost immediately, he was in the corner with a very hot guy and they didn't look like they were making out...yet. I chuckled softly and murmured into Brendon's ear. "I think Lex might have found someone for the night."

I completely fell back into him. Fuck the band. And fuck the crowd. And fuck what ever the fuck was getting in my way. I had Ryan, and that was all I needed.

Following his eyes, I smirked at Alex, "Nice catch," I smiled pecking Ryan on the lips before slapping his ass, "And thank you for the show, it was great, I enjoyed myself. Did you?" I tilted my head as I watched the crowd filter out the door and basically waited for our crowd to find us, "Oh, and," I whispered in his ear, licking it, "The real show doesn't happen until we're alone tonight..." I winked as Damien and Paul came up behind him.

"Hey guys," I waved and let go of Ryan so he could talk. Just standing there, holding onto him as he talked to the rest of the guys, it was so intoxicating. He was so...grr. Just plain Grr. And here I was. His. He could have anyone in the whole damn world, and he picked me. He chose me. I was his, and he was mine. I couldn't help but smile.

I followed him with the rest of the guys, making sure some body part was touching his the whole time. He was like my life source right now. He gave me energy and made me go. We all agreed to head back to Paul and Jason's place. Which I was fine with, as long as I got to spend the night alone with Ryan. Cause that's all I wanted.

I smiled over at Brendon and kept close against him as we all slowly started to walk back toward the Thai restaurant where the cars were. Alex, Bren and I had come with Paul and Jason, Jacob, Kevin, Rick, Damien and Sarah had all come in a second car. We'd left them at the Thai restaurant, and there was a Starbucks on the way. Paul and Jason had promised that they'd have drinks in their room if we wanted them when we all got back, so we'd get to have coffee and alcohol if we wanted to.

Paul looked over at me and Alex as we walked, grinning. "Yes, there will be rum." He winked at us, and Alex and I exchanged glances. We'd both been rather hung over after that night, but it didn't change the fact that I still loved rum.

We laughed and shook our heads as we went into Starbucks. Alex ordered our drinks, asking Brendon what he'd like as he put in his order for a Venti Red Eye and a Tall White Mocha for me. The other guys were all talking and trying to figure out what they all wanted. It wasn't late and it would be fun to all hang out in Paul and Jason's apartment. They'd gone further than some of the rest of us and had exchanged furniture for something more cushy and homelike than a borrowed dorm. I loved curling up on their couch more than I liked curling up on mine. I had the feeling I'd be spending more time with them over the upcoming two months, they were great guys and so much fun to be around, not to mention their couch was perfect.

Walking along with them, I tried to pick up on conversations and laughed at a few things that were said, but mainly kept quiet and very close to Ryan. They all seemed like nice guys, and I'm glad that Ryan got along with them so well, but for some reason, I felt like a little kid around them. Not that they treated me like that, but the way they looked at me sometimes. And not even in a bad way. I guess I'm just being paranoid.

"Um, I'll take a water," I smiled to Alex as I rested my nose on Ryan's neck. I wasn't a fan of coffee at all, plus, I didn't really need a caffeine high at the moment, my body naturally did that on its own. I yawned and shook my head before smiling at Ryan and pecking him on the lips, "Wanna have a seat while we wait, I feel like I've been standing for hours. Oh wait," I laughed, "It's cause I have..."

Taking his hand, I lead him over to the window were there was a ledge, probably not for sitting, but our bums fit perfectly. I made sure there was enough room on his side incase someone wanted to join us, which I was sure was likely to happen. I placed my hand on his thigh, smiling at him then looking back to his friends. I felt like I was watching an episode of Real World or something for some reason.

I could feel that Brendon was feeling a bit left out, which he had every right to feel since the guys were all into the same things Alex and I were, and much of the conversations had to do with things we were all doing together. I didn't want him to feel left out, but to a point it was inevitable. I moved over to sit down with him, immediately resting my head in against his shoulder as I wrapped an arm around his stomach. "You okay Bren? You're all quiet. We aren't leaving you out too much, right?"

I pouted slightly up at him and then smiled before leaning in to kiss him softly. "Mmmm...now kissing you is something that I could be happy doing forever." I smiled again softly and looked up in time to see Alex making his way over with our coffees. He handed me mine and then handed Brendon a bottle of juice.

"I decided that you needed more than just water Brendon. And if you weren't going for coffee or tea, you weren't going to just have water, so I got you juice. Although I could have gotten you one of their fruity things too, I think they have some fruity smoothies, but I didn't know what you'd want, so, you got juice." He grinned and plopped himself down on a chair in front of us. "You two look happy, but tired."

I smiled softly over at Alex and nodded, sipping my White Mocha before sighing softly. "Mmmm...thanks Lex. This was exactly what I needed."

I rested my head on his shoulder, "No, I am fine. It's just been a long day, and call me a baby, but I already kind of miss home," I smiled lightly at him, "Even though there's no place in the world I would rather be right now, but here with you, it still feels weird. Plus," I gave him a guilty look, "I'm missing band practice."

I thanked Alex as he sat down in front of us, opening the orange drink, I let it slid down my throat, burning as it went from the screaming I had just done, "Oh, and speaking of the band. The guys all said hello, and send hugs and such," I faced Ryan, "Oh, and I brought that article for you to read," then back to Alex, "I'm not sure if Ryan told you, but we were featured in the Sun from the concert we played the night before you left. We got interviews and pics and all. It was weird. They did this whole shoot with screaming girls with signs. You would have thought we were the Backstreet Boys or something," I laughed.

Shaking my head, "But, yeah, remind me when we aren't busy to get it for you, my mom bought like twenty papers, so I brought one for the both of you if you are interested..." I brought the bottle back to my mouth and chugged. I didn't know I had screamed that much, but hey it was Cute...and SHAANT. Either way, my throat was really taking a toll, I was almost losing my voice.

I grinned as I sipped my White Mocha again and sighed softly, the rest of the guys (and Sarah) slowly making their way over once they got their drinks. I gasped softly. "You're missing band practice to be here with me?! Bad Bren." I giggled a little and sipped my coffee again. "I can't wait to see it. I wanna see what they said about my band." I grinned at Brendon and winked before chuckling again and tilting my head down onto his shoulder. "I'm guessing it was a good write-up, so I can't wait to see what they have to say. I mean...we were there and all so we know it was an awesome show, but to get such a write up with interviews and pictures...when'd they do the interviews?"

I frowned and looked over at Brendon, not remembering seeing any of the guys giving interviews that night, course, I was rather distracted by Brendon and then the whole Brendon, me and Alex thing back at my house afterwards... All in all my clearest memories of that day were the two times I was in bed with Brendon.

Alex nodded and smiled. "I'll check it out tomorrow. I think we'll all be a bit too sleepy eventually what with the afterparty at Paul and Jason's and all. So don't worry about it till tomorrow Brendon." He grinned over at us.

Jacob perked up a little. "Write up? Show? Are you in the band Ryan and Alex have been talking about since they got here?"

Playfully shoving Ryan, I laughed at him, "No, it was a junior writer who did a review of the show. And then he gave it to his boss, and he did and interview the Monday after graduation, and pics later then," I twisted my mouth, "I'm not sure when they took pics. But they did. And it was all fun and surreal and stuff," Smiling and nodding at Alex when he suggested tomorrow, I was about to say something when Jacob popped into the conversation.

I could feel myself blushing. Ok, yeah, I'm the lead singer. The front man. The attention getter. And here I am getting all embarrassed. Smooth, real smooth. I took a swig of my drink and made sure to swallow it before I could answer. By that time, more than just Ry, Alex and Jason's eyes were on me.

"Yeah," I smiled, looking at Ryan. Yes, I was a coward, and I looked at my boyfriend as a cop-out, "I'm the lead singer. Not the original lead singer, but the better lead singer," now I'm making myself blush. I gulped, "I mean, the other guy sucked, so I took his place..." Digging myself deeper there... "Ok, I'm gonna be quiet now."

Bringing the drink to my mouth, I chugged the rest of it. Then to busy myself, I got up and threw it away. Finally walking to the counter and ordering a pack of mints. For later...duh!

I chuckled softly to myself when Brendon got up and grinned over at Alex before looking back at the other guys. "He's the lead singer, and my boyfriend, yes. The other singer was an asshole, and the crowd didn't really respond to him too well. The band all got together and kinda kicked him out and voted in Bren in his place. They've done a lot better since they switched singers too. They've recorded a demo with Alex that, as we were telling you, we're gonna see whose hands we can get it into, and now the write up...I'm guessing they'll be the hottest thing in Vegas as far as music goes."

I grinned with pride and Alex chuckled. "Yeah, you're definitely their manager, Ry. You're busting with pride over them." He smirked and took another sip of his coffee before draping his arm around my shoulders. "If I didn't know better I'd think you believed you were part of the band."

I shoved Alex playfully before resting my head on his arm. "I am part of the band, well, the band's entourage, just like you are, so shut it. We both know once they start touring and have merch and all that you and I will totally be managing the merch table while they're on stage. You'll be hitting on all the young boys and they'll swoon over your sexiness and they'll be asking for my autograph because I'm the lead singer's boyfriend and that’s just sooo cool to them." I chuckled softly. "We'll be living the high life."

I glanced over at Brendon up at the counter, waiting for him to come back. I wished he didn't feel so awkward around the guys.

I stood there, making small talk with the girl working the counter. She reminded me of Amanda. And it made me miss home.

Yes, I was generally interesting in hearing her blab about the flute she played in the band at a competition a year ago. Ok. So I lied, I just didn't want to go back to the conversation, cause I was a coward. I've excepted it. I think.

"Um, yeah, that's great," I fake smiled at her making her giggle. Yep, a giggling girl, that's my cue to go, "But, um, my friends, they are. They um, need me..." I fled away from her, shoving my mints in my pocket before I walked back over. "Sorry," I motioned to my throat as I popped in a mint, "It's all scratchy and stuff," I gave the guys a weak smile before sitting down next to Ryan, shrugging when he gave me an 'are you ok?' look.

I sat quietly through the rest of the conversation. I was ready to go. Not that I felt awkward, ok, so maybe a little, but because I was ready to be alone with Ryan for the first time since I got here. I knew I came here to see LA and his friends and learn all about the internship, but the bottom line was I came here to see him. And I haven't even gotten a chance to tell him that. Just me and him. Alone.

I moved and wrapped my arms around Brendon, leaning in and kissing his cheek softly before looking at the guys. "What can I say, that’s my boy." I grinned softly before pulling back and taking another drink from my coffee. "So, are we ready to head back for the 'afterparty?'" Chuckling softly, my free hand found Brendon's and I entwined our fingers. The guys looked at each other before nodding and getting up. A couple of them threw away their empty cups, the others of us still had some left over and were taking it to go.

I stood up and tugged Brendon a little closer to me before pressing a kiss gently against his neck. "You sure you're okay Bren? You're very quiet...and on top of that you seem like you don't really want to be here." I frowned a little. "We don't have to go back and have the afterparty, Bren, if you don't want to. We can tell the guys goodnight and go curl up in our apartment and watch movies or go to sleep if you're tired or something."

Alex glanced at us as the guys headed out of Starbucks. He waited a mere moment before he followed, letting us be the last ones to leave the coffee shop. The guys all walked ahead, joking and laughing and having a good time, Alex joined in with them as we brought up the end of our little progression. I smiled, it was so great to have such good friends around me, for me and Alex to be surrounded by mutual friends again. I'd missed times like those. Then I looked back at Brendon, I just wanted him to be as happy as I was.

I smiled at the rest of the guys as we headed out of the place. I felt bad, like I was acting like a child. I really didn't mean to. And I just hoped that I wasn't pulling Ryan down with me. I loved that he was having fun. It was such a huge difference even in his voice, from the first time I talked to him and met him for that matter. Here I thought he was anti-social and an introvert. At least that is what he had explained to me. I guessed he just had to be around the right people.

Leaning into him as we walked, I squeezed his hand reassuringly before answering him, "No, I'm ok, just a little tired is all. I had a long day," cursing myself for making stupid excuses, I kissed him on the cheek, "And we can go to the afterparty. I can tell you are really excited and am happy you are too, I like it when you are happy and smiling and being so cute," I rambled, "I was just hoping to spend some alone time with you, that's all. But I would really like to go to the guys place, I promise. And I will perk up," I smiled at him just as we reached the cars.

Getting into our respective cars, Alex rode in the back of the car with us to the complex. I snuggled as close to Ryan as I could. Placing my head in his neck, I took in a deep breath loving the smell of him mixing with coffee. Not that I liked drinking it, but is sure the hell smelt good. I ran my lower lip along his collar as I felt the car in motion.

I nodded a little and sighed softly when we got into the car. I felt like Brendon wasn't exactly being totally honest with me, but I wasn't about to start anything with him, especially not in front of everyone, or even Alex. If there was something he was keeping from me I'd have to ask him about it when we were alone.

I got to be squished between Alex and Brendon while Paul drove. Jason was talking to Alex about something, but I was too distracted to actually be paying any attention to what it was. Paul was quiet, but kept nodding in agreement to whatever Jason was saying, and it was a little captivating to just hear the noise of voices with the movement of the car. I relaxed back against the car seat and dropped my head gently down against Brendon's.

I took another sip of my White Mocha and then turned over to kiss Brendon's head softly. I kept my voice soft when I spoke to him. "We can just go and be alone together if you want Bren. It's okay. We don't have to go to the afterparty. Really, we can all have a party some other time, hell, I'm sure we'll have one tomorrow. They like to party, not too bad, but they still like to. So we really can just go back to ours for tonight. Okay?" I kissed his hair again softly. "I'm okay with it if it's what you want."

I couldn't help but smile as I moved closer to him. Yep. I was a kid and if I pouted enough I got what I wanted. I called it the youngest child syndrome. Or the favorite child...or the mama's boy... The list could go on.

"Are you sure?" I too kept my tone down, "Cause I don't want to take you from your friends, but Alex did mention when we were getting this all together that they were throwing a party tomorrow night. Or else, I would definitely love to join you guys," I looked him in the eye, "I promise, and as much as I enjoy everyone's company, I really do enjoy yours the most," smiling I continued. "And if we bore each other too much, we can always go back to the party, or if I fall asleep on you or something," I suggested as I pulled him closer to me.

Whispering in his ear, "And I really do want to hang out with them, and be more myself around them. Maybe after a good nights sleep. Lord knows I didn't get much sleep last night cause I was so excited about to day. To see you. And be with you. And to be able to touch you and kiss you again. Gawd Ryan, I missed you so fucking much!"

I closed my eyes and leaned in against him, just feeling him there against me and smelling him there next to me. Just having him there, I would give up just about anything if it helped make him happy. I nodded a little and murmured for his ears only. "You should get some sleep then Bren." I reached over and handed Alex my cup, he'd drink the rest of it anyway if I didn't want it. "I'll at least stay with you until you fall asleep, chances are I'll fall asleep too with you. And yeah, we can always hang out with them tomorrow. If you're tired, it'll probably be more fun when you're not."

I pressed a tad closer and tilted my head up to kiss his cheek softly. "I missed you too. And yeah, since you've gotten here we've only been alone for about ten minutes, and that's not enough at all." I smiled and let my eyes close again. "I think I could definitely go for some serious alone time with you Bren." My hand sought out his and I just held onto his fingers, playing with them a little.

"And as far as my friends...they'll be there tomorrow, and Sunday, and Monday, and every day that I'm here for this experience. You won't be though. So, as much fun as I have with the guys and as much as I love being around them. I think both me and them can get along without me being there for a few hours at the party tonight." I smiled softly and leaned up to kiss Brendon softly. "I'll be yours for the rest of the night...or at least as long as you can stay awake."

And there was the pain or stiffness or whatever it was that I got when I thought about Ryan. The one in the chest. The one that gave me chills and made me want to lay down in the fetal position. But for some reason, his words calmed it right away. Not that I doubted they wouldn't, but I was glad they did. Or I would have to go to the doctor for a wicked case of heartburn, that's for sure.

I kissed him and giggled as he tickled my hands. I didn't mean to laugh, but I was ticklish. I was about to tell him why I was laughing as we pulled into the familiar apartment complex. I sighed a huge relief and smiled at Ryan as the car came to a stop, pecking him on the cheek, I opened the door. Or tired to. The damn thing was locked.

Sitting there, embarrassed, I waited patiently, before my patience gave up. The rest of the guys were out of the car leaving me and Ryan in there. I knocked on the window and motioned for Paul to come over since we were on the driver's side. He started laughing as he opened the door, apologizing about having the child lock on from last week with drunken Ryan and Alex. Well, that made sense since Ry and I sat the opposite side on the way from the airport, and we climbed out the passenger side when we went to eat since we parked along the street and there was a lot of traffic.

I stretched once I got out, reconnecting my hand with Ryan's and walking up to his apartment. Hmm, maybe just one drink at Paul's would take the load off...

Glancing over at Brendon, I smiled him softly, threading our fingers together tightly. I leaned in and kissed him softly before turning to look at Alex, Paul and Jason. "Hey guys, I dunno that we're gonna join you for the afterparty. Bren is kinda tired, and we haven't exactly gotten any time alone together since he got here." I glanced at Alex and gave him an apologetic look. "No offense 'Lex. You know how much we love being with you." I smirked a little, remembering the night before we left and hoping that Alex knew I was being serious and maybe remembered that night as well but wouldn't bring it up to the other guys.

I looked back at Brendon and shrugged a little. "Right Bren? You're ready to call it a night?" I bit my lip lightly. I just wanted to be sure I wasn't overstepping myself by saying we were going to call it a night before he was ready to. I was pretty sure we'd figured we were in the car, but I wanted him to agree and not make it seem like I was trying to get him alone, even though I wanted him alone. I mentally kicked myself because they're guys, most of which are gay, they'd all figure that we were going for alone time for one reason and one reason only, to get some action. Not that I wasn't hoping to at least get some action, but I didn't want them going over the top of what they were expecting us to do.

Alex shrugged and looked between the two of us. "Hey, you guys wanna...'call it a night' go right ahead. Just don't mind the noise coming from Paul and Jason's apartment. We'll be having a blast and probably be up really late. Who knows, maybe I'll end up spending the night outside of the apartment and you guys can wake up alone as well." He grinned at the two of us.

I winked at Alex, hoping he would catch on as we walked to the stairs.

"You know, I think we can hang out for just a minute, or maybe for one drink, if you guys don't mind..." I was sure they didn't, but I figured I'd ask. I smiled at Ryan, again shrugging as we made it outside their apartment. Alex said he was going to go make a quick phone call, but that he would be right there, so I followed Ry and the rest of the guys to the afterparty.

Staying close to him, I wrapped my arms around him as I took in the apartment. It seemed nice and more spacious than Ryan and Alex's, but I figured since they had a car, they were probably able to bring a lot more of their own flair with them. We sat down when offered and also took a drink. It was nice. Not to strong. We chilled and mingled for a while as Alex made his way to join us.

Smiling at him, I finished my drink and patiently waited for Ryan to do the same. Ok, now I was ready to be alone with him!

I stayed close to Brendon as we made it up to our floor. I was confused, I mean, one minute Bren was wanting to be alone, and the next he wanted to have a drink and stick around for a little bit. I didn't get it. The rest of the guys joined us, all being slightly loud and excited, while Paul and Jason went about opening their liquor cabinet and going about taking orders and preparing drinks. Paul was a blossoming bartender and if he didn't succeed in the world of music, I was sure he'd succeed in owning his own bar or club. They came over with a tray of drinks, telling everyone which was theirs before approaching me and Brendon and offering us ours. Paul offered what he promised was rum and coke, and grinning, took it very thankfully.

I glanced over at Brendon when he finished his drink rather quickly and laughed softly. "Wow, Bren, thirsty?" I leaned in and pecked his lips softly when Alex came into the apartment, finding a perfect rum and coke just waiting for him on the table. He plopped himself down on the couch, and the guys all started talking about the show and other things. He clinked his glass with mine, and we both took a drink before I looked back at Brendon.

"You like their place? They went for the more 'we've lived here forever' look as opposed to the 'we're in an apartment that is temporary' look." I shrugged slightly and leaned in to nuzzle against him a little.

I just nodded at him as my leg began to bounce in anticipation. I couldn't help it. I was excited. I had to wait until Ryan was finished with his drink. Hell, I damn near willed him in my thoughts to stop talking and just drink the damn thing already so we could go.

Fickle much? Yes!

Trying to act interested, I threw in a few comments when I felt necessary, but the whole time, I watched Ryan with his drink. I was ready to go. At least I thought I was. Now that I did think about it, I was kind of scared. Shit. We would be alone in his apartment with a drink in us...not that it effected me at all, but still. I just hoped what I had planned would entertain us like the party would.

As soon as he finished his drink I took a few deep breaths and counted to thirty-seven. My lucky number. I counted very slowly and waited for a pause in the conversation before yawning, way over exaggerated and asking Ry if he was ready to go. Excusing ourselves, as soon as we stepped out in the hallway, I apologized for my weird behavior, promising to make it up to him as I held onto him, almost leading him to his apartment.

I waved goodbye to the guys as Brendon damn near dragged me out of the apartment, and I laughed a little as he continued to almost drag me to my apartment. "Bren..." Chuckling, I leaned in to kiss him softly before murmuring. "Calm down, okay? What on earth is going on in your head Bren? I mean...one minute you wanna be alone. The next you wanna hang out and have a drink with the guys. Then you're drinking your drink as fast as humanly possible and then bouncing to get away from the guys." I shook my head a little and touched his cheek. "Seriously Bren, what on earth is with you tonight?"

I pulled my key out of my pocket, I always had mine with me, even if I was with Alex, my other hand still holding onto Brendon's as we approached the door. I paused outside the door to turn to him with a smile before glancing to either side of the hall. With a grin, I leaned in and kissed him softly, but deeply before pulling back and whispering. "Okay, you got me out of there away from the guys. You have me all to yourself now. I'm all yours."

I winked at him a little before chuckling softly. "I think we've got some good movies in there, as well as drinks and food. Alex and I went shopping before you got here so we wouldn't have to go shopping while you're here. Um...I dunno, we'll find something to do. We can always just curl up and go to sleep." I grinned over at him as I unlocked the door.

Mmm. Kisses. And kisses led to...

Why did he do this to me? Did he know? It's like he was trying to delay this even longer. Not that I minded the kisses, really, I didn't, I actually loved them. A lot! But, I had plans and things...and this was just killing me.

Before he could open the door, though, I slightly, roughly pushed him against the wall. Not in an abusive kind of way, but a demanding way, to give him a preview of what might happen when we are alone. If we ever make it in the damn door. Ok, so this time it was my fault. But still. I kissed him repeatedly, allowing my tongue to play with his as my fingers made their way up his shirt, just feeling the hot skin beneath it.

Pulling back with a smack, I winked, "Yes, I am sure we will find plenty things to do," I smiled, "You are always the one to entertain!" Reaching down to pinch his butt horny much? I opened the door for him, making him walk backwards so I could assess the situation before him. Damn. Alex did a great job.

Ryan reached for the light switch, but I stopped him. Hopefully he could see the glow on my face and in my eyes, "Turn around, Babe..." I whispered.

My eyebrows shot up a little when Brendon got aggressive. It was surprising, but it felt so good. I kissed him back until he pulled away, causing me to whimper when he did. I honestly didn't know what was going on, I was pretty much on sensory overload. If it was any other relationship, I'd know exactly what was going on and where it was leading, but this was Brendon. Everything was very different with Brendon. But then there he was, sending me a million mixed messages that had my body vibrating while my mind tried to put the clamp on it and calm it all down. He knew what he did to me, or at least he should have known what he was doing to me.

He walked me through the door and I frowned a little, very confused still and loving how he looked in front of me. On top of that, he was aggressive, I wondered if he'd spent a lot of time talking with Alex that I didn't know about and Alex had told him about my love of being dominated. Then again, I remembered how Brendon seemed to feel about hearing Alex talking about him and I and our past, and I couldn't imagine he'd actually ask him about what I liked and didn't like, what my preferences were and weren't, etc.

I furrowed my eyebrows a little while I looked at Brendon before I slowly turned around to look at my apartment. My eyes widening and my jaw dropping a little. I hadn't expected that.

I smiled at his silence. I hoped that was a good thing. I'm sure it was. Alex did a better job than I had expected. There were candles everywhere. In spots I didn't even know you could put them. With the lights off, it left an eerie romantic glow. And it smelled of vanilla. The scent I told him to get, cause it reminded me of Ryan. Glancing around, I smiled at myself. This was working better than I had planned. Looking towards the direction of Ryan room, my grin grew wider. I think he may have even put more in there...even though it is a smaller space.

I needed to remind myself to thank him a million times...over and over again...later, of course.

Walking up to him to shut the door, I took his hand from behind, placing out entwined hands on his stomach and resting my chin on his shoulder. Tilting my head to kiss his jaw, I sighed, "So, um, yeah, this would explain why I have been acting weird, and stuff," I kissed him again, using my legs to walk/nudge him towards the couch.

Once he sat down, I took a spot next to him. Still holding his hand, but rubbing my thumb over his soft skin. Using my other one to gesture around the room, "I just wanted this to be perfect, and for tonight to be perfect. And for us to be alone," I brought up our hands to kiss his. Looking around again, I swallowed, "I," looking at our joined hands on my lap, "I've just been doing a lot of thinking since you were gone. And I've been talking to my friends and stuff, and I just wish that I could give you more to show you, you know, how much I care about you. And, well, this is my first time," I built the courage to look him in the eye, "My first time to, you know, be all romantic and stuff..."

I coughed, trying to clear my throat, "Are you thirsty? Cause I could use some water, I think."

Using my free hand, I reached up and touched Brendon's cheek, pulling him in a little while I leaned in and kissed him softly but intently. I kept kissing him gently for a few moments before pulling back a little to look up into his eyes. "Brendon..." I smiled softly and then looked around the room, looking at all the candles and everything. It was amazing. No one had ever done such a thing for me, not ever, it was a little overwhelming. I looked back to Brendon and shook my head. "Bren, you don't have to give me or show me anything to let me know how much you care about me. Not ever. But this...all of this..."

I bit my lip and looked down at my hand in his before placing my other on top of them and squeezing his hand gently. I looked up at him and smiled. "Really, you didn't have to do any of this. But its amazing Bren. And beautiful. And breathtaking." I shook my head a little and leaned in to kiss him again before whispering against his lips. "For a first time being romantic, you did a wonderful job."

I slipped my hand up to his cheek again, pressing another kiss against his lips, ignoring his little nervous thing about a drink and just kissing him softly and slowly. I was overwhelmed by what he'd planned, and I was sure there had to be more to it than just the candles. And obviously Alex had helped out and done all the candles and things because Brendon hadn't left my side and Alex had gone to 'make a call,' I'd have to confront him about it later, confront him and thank him.

Pulling back from Brendon's lips, I opened my eyes to look at him with a smile. "Thank you...for being romantic."

I let out a huge sigh and smiled. The kisses made it all the better. His kisses calmed me down and brought me back to earth. His kisses are all that I needed. And, along with the kisses were the words. And a general blush from me, twisting my mouth, I looked around again, "Thanks," I whispered bringing my eyes back to his again. And, with that came chills up and down my body. Right to my toes.

I leaned in to kiss him, and I guess my nervousness had left completely as I fell to far, forcing Ryan's back to hit the couch and me to fall on top of him not that that was a bad thing. Looking at him, I blushed again followed by a giggle, "Fuck it," I muttered before using my only free hand for balance since the other and both of his were smashed between our bodies.

Taking his lip in mine, I lifted my lower body to lay on the couch. Once I let my body give in and rest on his, I ran my hand, that wasn't needed for balance anymore, up and down his thigh. I continued to kiss him. Letting all my worries and insecurities drift into the kiss and forgetting about everything except the person below me. I pulled back, gasping for air, looking down at him, "God you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

I laid back on the couch and looked up at Brendon, blushing just slightly and shaking my head a little. "Bren..." I licked my lips softly and reached up to caress his cheek softly, letting my thumb trail down to brush over his lower lip. I wasn't exactly sure what he had planned for the night and that was just a little bit of a worry for me. I wanted, well, him. I had been wanting him for a while of course, but there was the whole thing of Bren being shy and nervous and not ready. I pulled his lips to mine again, kissing him intently before pulling away again.

"What have you planned tonight Bren? I mean, all this. The candles and the pre-planning and everything." I smiled up at him, leaning up to nip softly at his lips before continuing. "You put a lot of thought into this. And I love it. I love all of it. Especially you like this and all..." I trailed off and ran my hand down over his side, wanting to illustrate that I loved him being all laying on top of me and kissing me and everything.

"Are you going to let me in on what's going on in that mind of yours? Or are you going to keep me waiting?" I leaned up and kissed him again, sliding my hand back up to slip into his hair. Keeping the kisses soft and light, languid and loving, but still wanting to be sure he knew that I was totally happy. "Mmmm...Bren....I love kissing your lips."

Letting my eyes slip close, I fell into his movements and kisses. This is what I missed the most. Mostly because it is what I couldn't have when he is gone. I could call him and hear his voice. I could look at pictures. I could email him. I could...well, most everything but touch him and kiss him, "I love your kisses too," I smirked, continuing to run my hand up and down his thigh.

We had removed our hands between us, so using my arm to support my weight at my elbow, I ran my thumb along his jaw then lips while I talked. Letting him take the tip into his mouth, I moaned. Not on purpose, and even more so not on purpose, I ground into his body. Damn him and his mouth.

Trying to contain myself, I slipped my thumb out of his mouth and ran it along his jaw again, "Well, like I said, I've been thinking," I gulped again. Great here was the dry throat/mouth again, "I was thinking that I was ready. You know, like, ready ready. I mean, if you think I am ready, I would like to be ready..." my face was heating up. I could feel it. So I did the best thing to keep my mouth shut, I closed it over Ryan's and kissed him as I let myself cool down.

My eyebrows raised a little, but I kissed him back, holding him against me and moving to wrap both of my arms around him. He felt amazing, hell, it felt amazing just to have him there against me again. I moved my hands, sliding them over his back a little before slipping my hands down over his chest. I slid them up to press into the small of his back, playing with the hem of his shirt as I did and just kissing him back, slowly, lightly, but full of care and passion. I slipped my fingers up under the hem of his shirt and pressed my hands into the skin of his back before pulling back from the kiss.

"Bren..." I whispered softly, almost afraid of speaking too loud and ruining whatever the mood was that we were in. I leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to his lips before continuing. "I want you to be ready Bren." I smiled softly and shook my head. "If you can't say what you think you're ready for. If it makes you this embarrassed, maybe you're not." I moved my hand back up to his face, touching his lips before cupping his cheek. "There's no rush Bren. I'm with you, that’s what I want, just being with you. I don't want to rush anything."

Smiling softly, I tilted my head to kiss along his neck a little before trailing my lips along his jaw. I was addicted to him, addicted to kissing him and touching him. I let my tongue slip out and draw a small path over his skin as I continued moving my lips over him before laying back against the couch again, looking up at him with a small twist to my lips. "When you're ready Bren, you'll just know and you won't be so embarrassed about it." I gave his lips a quick kiss. "But that doesn't mean we can't make full use of the beautiful candles and setup and everything...and it definitely doesn't mean that I can't strip you near naked and sleep with as much of your skin touching my skin as I can get tonight."

I pulled out of his grasp and sat up, almost as though we wouldn't touch at all. Biting my lip, I looked at my hands in my lap. I thought I was ready. And dammit. I wanted to be ready. Maybe not. Goddammit. I wish I knew what I was thinking. It's just bullshit.

Bringing my legs up to my chin, I rested my head there for a moment. I'm sure I looked like I was having a nervous breakdown or something. I just did that when I was thinking though. I felt the couch shift, knowing Ryan too had sat up. To confirm it, I turned my head and met his eyes. Practically ripping my bottom lip, I started to talk, but stopped. Like three times before I finally found the words.

"It's just. I, I told myself I was ready. When I was at home, or work, or on the plane here, hell, even the concert...there was no question, no embarrassment, nothing. I was fine with it. More than fine," I looked anywhere but his eyes, "And ready as ever. But now that it might happen...I dunno," shaking my head, "I'm not sure what scares me more...the fact that it might hurt or that I will be bad. And I know, those are both selfish things, but I just, I wanted it to be perfect. And romantic," I laughed, "Like in the movies. And I know it can't be, and I know it prolly won't. I just don't know Ryan. I’ve never wanted something so badly in my life, but at the same time been so freaked out about it."

Nodding a little, I reached out and moved Brendon's legs down before crawling into his lap and putting my hands on either side of his face. My fingers gently caressed his skin as I looked into his eyes, pretty much forcing him to look into mine. "Brendon...." I leaned in and kissed him softly before leaning back again. "I understand. But there are realities about sex...it'll never be perfectly romantic and perfect like the movies. They have makeup and airbrushing and dramatic music and set designers and different camera angles and a million takes to make sure that every single angle and ever single shot is going to be perfect. They also show a fantasy, not a reality." I smiled softly, I didn't want to scare him.

"The first time having someone inside you...yeah, it isn't painless, its worse if you're nervous. As for being bad...well, some people go for the 'practice makes perfect' mantra." I moved one hand to brush back his hair from his eyes. "I'm not worried about our first time together being bad. You haven't been bad in anything so far, not that we've done that much, but still, you haven't been, when you're ready and its our first time, being bad is the least of my worries, keeping you relaxed, as little pain as possible, and making sure you enjoy yourself."

I leaned in and kissed him again, just starting to let my kisses linger for a few moments before pulling back again and whispering. "I don't want you to be freaked out about it, or nervous about it or anything, I want you to be happy about it, excited about it, as relaxed about it as you can be, and blissfully wanting it." I smiled and kissed him again softly. "As I said, no rush. Being with you this weekend, having you against me, kissing you...all of it...I'm okay with all of this. I'm okay with you not being ready."

I smiled as I continued to kiss him back. Here he was again, calming me down. That's my Ryan. And that was what I needed to hear. But I was still fighting with myself. I came here on a mission. I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend. And I knew that I wouldn't leave until that happened. And I was going to make sure of that. So it was bad? I wouldn't see him for a week and I would have time to get over it. I already had that planned out too.

Wow. I'm beyond selfish....

Breaking the kiss, I sighed, "I want to though. I do. I think I was more worried about telling you than anything. Like I said, I have already talked myself into it. And told myself. And I know," I stared into his eyes, "It's not about having to tell myself, and my reasonings may be off, like, completely, but I had to psych myself up. Either way, I would really like to be with you tonight. For something more to remember you by. I mean, yea, holding each other and being against each other are amazing and perfect, but, I think I want more. I mean, I know I want more. I've wanted more for a while, but you are and were right, I wasn't ready. But, as hard as it is to believe, I have grown up some since I have graduated," I twisted my lips, "Yea, just two weeks ago, and, I just, I know I'm ready. And I will do whatever it takes to convince you it is true."

Grabbing the back of his neck, I brought our lips together, pressing my tongue into his mouth, running it along his. Hopefully this was a start.

I kissed Brendon back, thoughts warring in my head, and I wasn't quite sure what I should give voice to and what I shouldn't. I wanted to be with him, I wanted to have more than just kissing and touching to our relationship, but we still hadn't know each other that long. We also hadn't said 'I love you' to each other. And he still hadn't said sex without turning all colors of red. On top of that, he'd just admitted to having to talk himself into it, sex wasn't something you should talk yourself into. I pulled back and looked into his eyes, tilting my head slightly to the side and licking my lips.

"Brendon, I don't want to ruin the mood or anything anywhere like that. But...Bren...you shouldn't have to talk yourself into having sex for the first time. It should happen, it should feel right and just happen. It should be more natural. If you're talking yourself into it. If you're psyching yourself into it, you aren't ready Bren. Trust me, I want you to be ready, I really do, because I can't wait to be with you like that. But I want you to be really ready. I want you to be able to talk about it without blushing and turning red, without being embarrassed. I want it to just happen. And I don't want you to have to talk me into believing that you're ready."

I leaned in and pressed my lips against his again before whispering. "I want you to really be ready, not just have yourself convinced that you're ready. I know you've grown up some...but it isn't just about growing up. It’s about your heart and your mind and your body all being in tuned to telling you the same thing. And it is about being tuned together and knowing this is right for us, right now. Okay, maybe right isn't the best word, but close enough...I don't ever want you to feel like this is something you're pressured into doing or something that you have to do."

I kissed him again gently before whispering softly. "Sex doesn't have to be just with love, but I don't want you to ever regret being with me."

I closed my eyes. Why does he always have to be right? Why does everything that comes out of his mouth make complete sense? When the words I stutter are always wrong. I knew why. Cause he was older. And wiser. And more experienced. And just plain smarter. It brought me back to the first time we started dating. Or even more so, the first night we shared a bed together. I was so naive and slow and...so many things. I remember I kept thinking over and over again how lucky I was and how weird it was at the same time. I would be like me dating a someone from Junior High, maturity wise, and I don't think we would have lasted this long.

Licking my lips, I thumbed my hands along the small of his back, "Ry," chills ran and scattered throughout my body, "You are right. But you, us, sex. It would never be a regret. Especially with you. If I didn't think I was capable of having sex with you, I would have never brought it up, or the thoughts would have never slipped through my head. I know this, because I know what I think and how I think," I paused, fiddling with his shirt, "But I want to. Ryan. I want to with you. I want to feel you more than just with hands and mouths and skin..."

Bringing my hands up to his neck, I kissed him before dropping my arms to pull his body closer to me as the kiss thickened with the air around us. The scent of Ryan and vanilla ran through my body as I breathed through my nose. It was perfect.


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