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This is Bullshit (32/?)
Title: This is Bullshit (32/?)
Authors: howido_fics & youbrat
Pairing: Ryden
Rating: R
Summary: Ryan and Brendon connect on the phone.
Disclaimer: *sigh*
Author’s Note: This is a co-write. howido_fics is Brendon, youbrat is Ryan. Ryan's pov is blue and Bren's is black.

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I yawned and stretched as I hit save on my computer. Spencer was helping me put together a collage of pictures for Ryan and our time together. Mom thought it was a 'cute' idea and wanted to hang it up at my party. But to me, it seemed like a 'fuck you I am gay' to the world. But, I knew that it would be hard to keep my hands and attention away from Ryan at the party, so I guessed a picture was just as up front as a collage.

Speaking of that sexy bitch, I looked over at the clock, it was nearing 11pm, which made it 10 his time, hopefully he would be home. We had been playing phone tag, but from the sounds of his message he left, they did get the job with FOB, so this I had to hear!

Walking over to my bed, I flopped down on it, then reached over and took my phone of the charger and dialed his number. I just hoped he answered!

Yawning, I snuggled more in against Alex. We were attempting to watch a movie but we were both so exhausted from all the work we'd been doing with Fall Out Boy that week. We had been chosen early Monday morning while a handful of the others were chosen to help with another band. Alex and I were joined in the assignment by Paul and Jason because we were told that it would be highly beneficial to our futures to experience the way Fall Out Boy worked in the studio, but also because, as we were told, they'd probably need a lot of assistance with what they were working on that week.

Once we were introduced to the guys, we worked late every night. Monday we didn't get home until ten, Tuesday we hadn't left the studio until midnight because Pete and Patrick had had an epiphany right as they were about to walk out the door at nine and they had to hammer it out. Luckily, that night, they'd decided to cash it in fairly early and we'd left the studio at eight. They'd treated us to a dinner of pizza, so when we got home we just curled up to watch tv and movies and just relax. We were having a hard time keeping our eyes open though.

My phone caused my eyes to snap open and I flipped it open, putting it to my ear. "Hello?"

"Hey beautiful," I smiled into the phone as I pulled off my socks, "I just wanted to call and see how your week has been, and to tell you I am missing you like crazy," I smiled into the phone as I picked up my socks and walked them over to the hamper in the corner.

Shuffling my feet back to my bed, I always did that, especially after taking off my socks for the first time of the day. The carpet always felt so nice on my toes.

I sighed once I got to my bed and sat back down, but then remembered that I hadn't set my clothes out for tomorrow yet, standing back up I got excited, "So, how is it? Do you work closely with the guys? What have you been doing? Do you get to see them record and play new stuff? I want details!" I laughed, opening my closet doors to sift through my clothes, grinning at the pinstripe pants.

I chuckled softly and sighed in content as Alex ran his fingers through my hair with one hand and pulled a blanket over us with the other. I had been freezing, so Alex had agreed to help warm me up, which was why we were curled up together and covered in blankets. He was determined to raise my body temperature.

"Hey Bren. I miss you too. And Alex says hi." Alex smirked softly and nodded before turning his attention back to the tv.

"Its a lot of fun. We've been working our asses off though. We didn't get in till ten, and then last night not until midnight. They gave us an early night tonight, so we've been home since like, a little after eight. We're just relaxing and trying to get me warm right now. But we've been running errands for the guys, helping them with the equipment, making sure everything is organized and ready for them to get into the studio, and shutting down at night. It isn't anything glamorous, but its been fun. They're really funny Bren. We've been having a blast. An exhausting blast, but a blast. I'm gonna miss it when they're gone."

I slipped my face into the curve of Alex's neck and closed my eyes. "But, what about you?"

I smiled, "Hi Alex," as I pulled a pair of pants off the hanger and listened to Ryan talk. He did sound tired, but I was glad that he was busy and having fun. And that the band treated him good. If not I would have to kick some ass. I shook my own head at myself, I wondered where I thought up of some of this shit...

"Wow, you do seem busy," I agreed when he finished, "And I am glad you are enjoying it. Sounds like you are paying your dues, but keeping going and what not. Who got to do it with you? Paul and Jason? Or is it just you and Alex?" I held up two shirts while resting my phone between my jaw and shoulder. If it were as cold as it had been in the office, I would need two shirts, not just a button up.

"And me, I've just been busy working and saving money," I laughed, "Oh, and how is Lex? Did you guys get to puppy-sit him?"

"Yeah, Paul and Jason are with us. They're not finding it quite as much fun as I am. I mean, hey, I'm getting to work pretty damn close to Pete Wentz!" I grinned to myself and sighed quietly. "He even touched me today...I think my insides got tied in a knot when I felt his hand touch mine. I had a bit of a fan-girl moment." I chuckled to myself and snuggled in closer to Alex.

"The guys are seriously amazing Bren. I mean, I'd never have guessed that they'd be like they are. I mean, they're so down to earth but yet so amazing. They're wonderful, Bren. I'm utterly addicted to them! And the stuff that they're working on! OH MY GOD Brendon! Its amazing, I mean seriously amazing. I can't wait until it gets out there to the public! Patrick sounds fucking amazing! And Pete and Joe are off the wall! The bass is better than I think I've ever heard it."

Alex poked me and mouthed 'shut up' and I had to blush and snuggle in closer to him so I could hide my face. "Um, yeah. So, we have gotten to dog-sit Lex. We had a good time with him and took him for a walk. He's doing really well. So, what happened when you got home? Did your parents yell? And Spence and Matt get home okay and everything okay?"

I couldn't stop grinning at how excited he was. He was too cute sometimes. I could just see him freeze and blush when Pete touched him. I would have loved to be there, just to see that. Usually he was the one to make people blush.

"Wow," I laughed, "It's too bad that Paul and Jason aren't enjoying it as much as you, but I'm not sure that would even be possible," I giggled at him as I hung my outfit for tomorrow on the door knob to the closest. I made my way over to the dresser to set out a pair of boxers and some black socks, "I can't wait to hear it either, I was just thinking about how I wished that Patrick would use his voice more, and sounds like he is..."

Yawning, I looked back over to the closest. I forgot about shoes. Oh, fuck it. I'd worry about it tomorrow. Laying on the bed, I tried to remember Sunday night. It seemed so long ago, really it did, "Um, I don't remember..." I laughed, "Oh, yea, no, my parents were cool, I think they forgot about it, cause my sister got caught drinking underage at a party or something. I can always count on her to get me in the clear. And yea, Matt and Spence are fine. Matt told me to thank you guys again for the hospitality. He had fun."

"Well, I think Paul and Jason aren't having as much fun as us because although they like Fall Out Boy, they aren't quite as big of fans as I am, and I think me being as big of a fan as I am sucked Alex into it." I shrugged slightly and yawned.

"I'm glad that you didn't get in trouble when you got home, and I'm glad that the guys got home okay too. And they're very welcome. I'm glad they had fun and I'm glad that they came too. It was really nice to see Spencer again. I didn't realize I missed him too." Alex turned off the movie and put it on Fuse, just so there was some background noise even though we weren't watching anything. He pulled me in closer and wrapped the blanket more around me.

I murmured softly. "Mmm, thanks Lex." I nuzzled in closer against him, just starting to feel a little warmer than I had been. "So are you getting excited for your party? Everything planned and ready so you don't have to do a lot the day of? Because I dunno that I'm gonna let you out of bed since you're going to be in it with me and all."

Leaning over to set my alarm, I made sure I turned it on for 6:30 am then I reached for the remote, "I see, they didn't really seem like the Fall Out Boy type, now that I think about it, will you be working with any bands they like?" turning on the tv, I muted it as I saw that America's Funniest Home Videos was on. I loved this show. It got me every time...

"And I will let them know, Matt and Spence that is," I yawned again and wiggled into the pillow, "I'm not sure about the party, mom isn't really telling me much, nor is she letting me help, which I am glad about. Some of my family came in, already, which I think is pointless and way too early, but oh well, and they are all excited to meet you," Oh, yea, and by the way, I was scared shitless about that part.

I laughed, "Wouldn't it be great if we could just skip the whole shindig and stay in bed? Now that would be my kind of party. Me and you and nothing else. Well, maybe some lube and a condom or three..."

Giggling, I buried my face into Alex's chest. He wrapped his arms around me as I came back down from my glee. "Yeah, well, that would be my kind of party too, but sadly I don't think we can do that. I think, if you skip your own graduation party, you have to give back the gifts, kinda like when you get wedding gifts and then call off the wedding or whatever. So I think we should be there. Not that we can't disappear to your bedroom occasionally though..."

"Besides, I would like to meet your family. As long as they don't think we'll be right there the whole time because I have every intent of having you off away from people as much as I possibly can. Cuz seriously, I only get so much time with you this summer. And those are just weekends and all, and like one weekend a month unless you come out here too. So seriously, I'm not going to want to always be all in with the aunts and uncles." I chuckled softly.

"As far as bands go, I'm not sure. My Chem is coming in next week for a recording session. I don't think I've ever met anyone who hasn't liked them. There are more coming I think, but I'm not sure who yet. Not really at least. I hope there's someone they like as much as I like Fall Out Boy, but that isn't a guaranteed part of the experience, I just got lucky."

"Eh," I laughed, "They'll get over it. Hell, I don't even want to spend time with them. So why should you?" I flipped the channel once the show was over, "But, we can escape as much as possible, and blame it on the weather or something. We are having the pool open and all, so there is enough entertainment to last a while, plus, I think our neighbors are doing the whole fireworks thing, so we can watch those too. I am excited about that. I'm scared of fire, but I love the noises and smells of the fireworks for sure."

Changing to FUSE, I smiled, "Oh, Frank..." I could feel myself drooling slightly, "Now, if you get to work with him, then I will have to take a road-trip one day and dress up like a FED-EX guy or something to see sneak in with a package or something...which would be me and my package. He's is one sexy mofo, that's for sure," I was getting all worked up, "Ok, I will stop, I promise," I laughed, "But that would be cool to work with them too, they are genius and seem like they would be fun from their DVD and what not."

I laughed and shook my head a little as I nestled against Alex and just let my eyes slip closed. It felt good to be held and it felt good to have my eyes closed and laying down. I ached from working all day and I just wanted to be curled up and relaxed, and being in Alex's arms was definitely helping me to relax. I honestly didn't know what I would do if I didn't have such an amazing best friend, he kept me together and he took care of me.

"I dunno Bren. I think they'd have something to say if you showed up and tried to molest Frankie. Besides, why would you want to molest him when you could molest me? Or is he better than me?" I pouted a little as I said that, being sure that it came across in my voice.

Alex kissed my head and moved from under me. "I'm gonna make some tea, do you want some?"

I opened my eyes and looked up at him, I smiled softly and nodded. "Yes, thanks Lex." He ruffled my hair before making his way into the kitchen. I snuggled up more on the couch before returning back to Brendon. "Do you drool over Frank more than you drool over your boyfriend?"

“God, Ryan, you know that’s not true,” and I knew that he knew that it wasn’t true, but I was game at giving him a million compliments, “It’s like you being excited to touch Pete. We both know nothing would ever happen, but we both can have small fantasies about it. I mean, not fantasies or whatever, but I thought of Frank like that long before I met you, and plus, I can say it because I know it wouldn’t happen, like, ever.”

I stretched again, content that I had everything ready for tomorrow morning so that all I would have to do was get up, shower and eat. But now, talking to Ryan was my only and main priority. All I wanted to do was hear his voice as I drifted off to sleep.

“And of course I drool over you, I still do, every time I see you. Sometimes, when I do see you I blush, and I forget that you are actually mine and it seems so surreal. Cause, I mean, let’s face it, you are the hottest thing I have ever seen. And the smartest and funniest and most sincere and compassionate. And I can’t lie, I love how you moan my name when you come…”

"Oh shush Bren...you're making me blush!" I smiled to myself as my fingers played gently with the edge of the couch. I could hear Alex heating water and setting out mugs and things for the tea. "You better drool over me. Because if you didn't I'd feel very unwanted. I mean, I am the sexiest thing on earth..." Alex made a noise behind me and I chuckled. "After Lex of course."

"You better fucking believe it Ry!" He laughed and I couldn't help but giggle a little. He was the comedic relief in the drama of my life. Without him I wasn't sure if I'd ever laugh or smile, or at least, as much as I did with him around.

"See? Alex agrees. But anyway...what're you up to for the rest of the week? Or have we already talked about that? Fuck, I'm so tired that I don't remember what we have and haven't talked about. I'm sorry Bren. I'm sorry I'm so out of it tonight. I'm just so utterly exhausted." I pouted a little more as Alex came over with the tea and I sat up so I could drink mine. "I promise though, this weekend while I'm home, I won't be so exhausted, I'll find a way not to be, just for you."

I smiled into the phone. I liked when he was like this. Cute and apologetic. It made me all warm and fuzzy inside. I pulled my blanket up around me to reach my chin. My aunt was staying in the spare bedroom, and it hadn’t been aired all summer, so my parents were making up for it now, and freezing out the rest of the house in the process.

“No, you are the hottest and sexiest man alive, not Alex. It is all you babe!”

I laughed again at him, “It’s ok, it has been a long week for the both of us, plus neither of us got much rest this weekend to make up for all the work we were doing last week. But I do have to say that we did some of the best exercises imaginable this weekend. And whether you are tired or not this weekend, believe me, I can definitely make it so all you have to do is just sit back and relax.”

"Mmm, Bren, sitting back and relaxing with you would be amazing. Of course, I'd be with you so that would make it all good anyway." I smiled over at Alex and whispered a thank you to him before taking a sip of my tea and letting the warmth slide down my throat. It felt good to have something warm me from the inside.

Sighing softly, I leaned in against Alex again. "Alex says fuck you about the comment that he's not sexier than me." I grinned to myself as Alex nodded emphatically next to me. "He says he's a sexy bitch and you better see and recognize that. His words, not mine."

They pretty much were Alex's words, I'd heard him tell someone else that, of course, it was a different situation and all, but it still fit that conversation and that moment. I tried to yawn and smile at the same time and realized that they two were mutually exclusive, you just couldn't smile while you yawned. I just hoped that Brendon hadn't heard me.

"We've only got two more days in the studio with Fall Out Boy. And then there's the big party Friday night. Its going to be crazy. I don't even know if the guys in Fall Out Boy are going to be done with the song by the end of the week. Maybe they'll be back next week too."

“Nope. Not true. I think it is you, if I thought it was Alex, I would have dropped you a long time ago,” I laughed at this of course and hoped he did too. I really did think that Ryan was the sexiest man alive. I could be partial since I had sex with him, what was it? Oh yea, four times the past weekend. Ok, maybe three and a half, but if you count Sunday morning, that could be a half, so we are back up to four again. See, yes, quite partial.

“I know, just a few more days. I really just wish I could be a weekend under less stressful circumstances though, I mean, my graduation party. I tried to beg my parents to take all of the money they are spending on this damn thing and just give it to me so I could have a week off to visit you. They didn’t like that that much. Then, of course when my mom was alone with me, she asked if we had sealed the deal. Or some other old fashion slang…it was quite embarrassing.”

It was really. She went on to tell me how she was the same way after she and my father had sex for the first time. And I am talking, TMI. Seriously. And here I was, I didn’t even see the difference in me, but I guess it was obvious, cause people have said I was perkier.

"Everyone says you look different after your first time. Or that there's something different about you. They said that to me too, well, my parents did. They never went into their first time or anything. I don't think I could have handled that." I took another sip of the tea that Alex had made for me. It was perfect, he knew exactly how to make it, he was one of the few. Most people put in too little sugar and too much creme, or vice versa. Very few people had the right combination, Alex did.

"So what did you tell her when she asked? Or did you just brush it off and not actually give her an answer? I think thats what I would of done, although, if they'd have wanted to know, from my understanding, they wouldn't to have had to ask. Well, not my first time...I dunno after how many it actually had been. I mean, for me, there was the whole...um...bad aspect to most of my relationships and all for a while. I think that they said something after my first good experience. And then they said I glowed. Did they tell you that you were glowing?"

Alex slid his arm around me and pulled me in closer to him. He wrapped the blanket over and around my legs. He babied me so much sometimes, but it was good because he took care of me. Sometimes I thought he should be called mom instead of best friend. He murmured into my hair. "You definitely glowed. It was a beautiful look on you."

So maybe I shouldn’t have told her. I mean, I was honest with my mother, and I tell her almost everything, so I wasn’t about to start lying now. And luckily she took it ok, or else I would have lied about it. Ok, so maybe I was a liar, but only to save her living soul. She needed all the saving she could get after my sister. She was a trip. My sister that was. I was just glad it was her, and not me.

“Yea, I told her. I tell her everything. She was cool about it. Just asked if we used protection and stuff, cause I had told her about me not being your first boyfriend and all. She was basically just looking out for me,” which was true, but maybe I shouldn’t have told him that I told her about his past. I mean, I let it all out one night. She knew almost as much as I knew about it. But, like I said, I can’t lie to her.

I changed the channel to the game show network with “Who wants to be a millionaire’, “I dunno what she said was different, she said she could just tell, plus, I had to tell her why I called Matt. And well, it was pretty obvious after that. But she is cool with it, really, she’s not gonna like slap you upside the head and be like, ‘You took my Baby’s virginity' or anything…”

"You promise that she won't? Because, I mean, that's not really something that I want your mom to decide to talk to me about. It's bad enough that my mom figured out I had sex, but to have to talk to someone else's mom about me taking their son's virginity or whatever, really not a conversation I want to have Bren. So you better promise that when I show up she won't be ready to slap me and kick me out of the house. Because I really don't want to have to deal with your mom being mad at me."

I looked up at Alex, smiling at him for his comment. He had told me I glowed too. The first time everyone had realized I had sex and told me I glowed and looked different and all had been after I had been with Alex. After all, he was what really changed sex for me. The guys before, it had gotten better from the first time, but I still hadn't really enjoyed it, not really. It was Alex that had changed so much for me.

"What else did you tell her Bren? I mean...most moms wouldn't want their son with someone who was nothing more than a slut...does...does she know all of that too?"

Shit. I knew I said too much, and I knew I just put a flame under my ass, cause I could feel it burning by the second. Quick, I needed to pull something out of my ass, like, pronto!

“No, I mean, my mom is cool, really, you have nothing to worry about. Coming after my sister, who too had sex as a young age, and a risk of being pregnant, she was beyond happy that I waited until after I graduated to have sex. Plus, she isn’t like that. She may give me a hard time, but she has enough respect for you and all of my friends for that matter. I promise you that. And if she were to do or say something to you, I would kick myself out too.”

I sighed as I watched someone fuck up on the $500 questions, “and, really, I didn’t tell my mom a whole lot. So, I mean, she has no judgment of you. Like I said she is more worried about me and all. And she knows how much I care about you know and how much I like you to even care about your past.”

"So you didn't tell her how many people I've slept with? Or my whole thing with Lex? Cuz...um...if you did...I mean, everyone looks at the two of us and thinks that we've got something going on, even though we don't. And I mean, we're both going to be at the party. If she knows about my past and knows about me and Lex, then she's gonna have issues with us being there at the party and all...shit..."

I closed my eyes and turned my head to hide my face against Alex. Most times I didn't regret my past. I'd never regretted the nights or days I spent with Alex, in his bed, in his arms, any of it. I'd never regretted any of it, and I was going to start because I had a new boyfriend, but that didn't mean that my past, Alex included, made it easy to face parents. Hell, it wasn't easy to tell Brendon about my past and my past with Alex. Add in his mom knowing and his mom seeing me for the first time since he and I had sex together, and seeing me with Alex at the party, I just knew it couldn't be a comfortable night.

I sighed and bit my lip. "Just...just tell me what she knows Bren? Please?"

Fuck. I gulped. I knew it. I fucking knew it. I knew I couldn’t keep my goddamn mouth shut. I just fucking knew it.

“No, Ry. I’m sorry, just, just forget I even said anything, I am sorry. It’s nothing so if we can just drop it and ignore me for like a last five minutes then…” I knew he wouldn’t except that, “Really though, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Please. I am sorry…”

I closed my eyes. I didn’t understand why I did this to us. I could take any situation. Andy good conversation and fuck it up in less than five minutes. Hell, I was sure my record was under like ten seconds in some place or another. It was fucking recockulous. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Or cry. But one of those was way more drastic!

"No, Brendon. I can't just forget it because it isn't something you can take back. Whatever you told her, don't you think I have the right to know before I walk into your house this weekend with Alex beside me and have to face her? Or do you think I should walk into this blindly, having no clue what you told her and what she knows? Should I walk in there with Alex and be who I normally am with him without having a clue what it is you told her?"

I shook my head and put the mug of tea down. He had no right to tell me he didn't want to talk about it anymore. He went and told his mom about me and my past and wouldn't even have the decency to tell me what it was that he told her.

"Fine, Brendon. You really don't want to talk about it anymore? There's no need to. But I really cannot fucking believe you'd tell someone about my life and not be man enough to tell me what it is you're telling other people about my life so that I have to walk into a situation with them in just a couple days and have no clue what they know about me. It isn't like I walk around broadcasting that information about myself. I may not be ashamed of my past, but that doesn't mean I want the world to know about how many people I've slept with and who they are. So you know what Brendon, be that way."

With that, I hung up the phone and threw it to the floor. Alex frowned, putting down his own mug and pulled me closer against him. He ran his fingers through my hair and tried to soothe me, not like that was worth much of anything right then. But, all the same, I clung to him and just stayed as close to him as I could. I couldn't believe that my 'boyfriend' could justify telling people information I told him in confidence and then not be able to fess up to what he'd been telling about me.

I sat there and just stared at the ceiling.

My mouth went completely dry cause all the water and moisture I had in my body went straight to my eyes. I was bawling like a baby. I thought I very much so just possibly fucked up the most perfect thing that had ever happened to me. I couldn’t move. My legs were numb.

I didn’t know what to do. I could either call him back and hope he answered or just do nothing and hope he came on Saturday. But, would I want to come if that shit just went down? I didn’t know what the big deal was, it wasn’t like I told the whole fucking world. I told my mother and that was all. So she was basically my best friend. I had no one to go to about that. What, I was just supposed to let it all sit in my head and fucking boil over? I thought not. I had the goddamn right to talk to someone.

At least I thought I did.